Hungry Like the Wolferman’s

They say it’s better to give than to receive. Sometimes that really is the truth.

Larry became a director at his office about seven years ago. With that came some major responsibilities, a bigger office and a company car.(OK, just kidding, but all his co-workers who read this probably shit their pants for a second.)

It also came with another ‘benefit’ that we didn’t discover until Christmas time. The second week of December, this good-sized box showed up on our porch filled with goodies. It arrived from Wolferman’s gourmet foods and inside the box was 24 English muffins, and assortment of jams, pound cakes, crumpets, and other pastries.

It was a more than generous gift and one that in some ways was a bit overwhelming. Between traveling and the then-famous Atkins diet, we ended up giving a good portion of it away. We thanked our benefactor and just figured we would wait to see what came the next year.

And December 10th it arrived: the same muffin package. A few were again eaten before having to give most away. We joked that it would be funny if it arrived again the following year since we could regift most of the package to my folks since they were staying with us for the holidays.

And if our wishes weren’t granted the following year. In fact, the wishes were granted for seven years straight. We received the exact same gift for all seven years.

First, let me say that it is a wonderful gesture to send any gift for the holidays. I’m not being greedy or bitchy. Well, maybe a little bitchy, but it wouldn’t be a funny blog entry if I wasn’t a snippy.

So last year, our gift giver left the company a few months before Christmas. We mourned his departure, but privately celebrated that the muffins were finally gone. But like clockwork, the muffins arrived. We wrote it off as his final generosity for all the efforts his last year.

Today, December 11th, 18 months after this person stopped working at Larry’s company, I found a Wolferman’s box on our doorstep. Inside were the same muffins, jams, pound cakes, crumpets, and pastries.

So for all of you feeling slighted by not receiving the long Christmas letter this year… would you like a scone?