Moving on Out

I began writing this post on May 24 and just haven't gotten through it because of packing. Now, it's all done and it seems appropriate to finish.

Tonight is the last night in our house. Sixteen years of being in one location ends tomorrow. The closing date for the DC house is June 18 and the moving trucks arrive in the morning. When I get home tonight, the only left to go into boxes is the toaster and coffee maker. We've raided Home Depot every couple of days for wardrobe boxes and paper to wrap glassware. The house echos since there are no pictures anywhere and all that dominates each room is stacks of cardboard containers.

We will be closing on the Virginia house June 29. Unfortunately, I'll be in Boston so poor Larry will have to sign the documentation for both of us. I return July 1 and we are hoping to schedule the moving crew for July 2. With luck, that should be our first night in our new home.

Between now and then, Larry & I will be bunking down at the Residence Inn. We swung by a few weeks ago to see just how big of a room we will get. Umm, holy crap. You have to really love one another to be in this close of space for three weeks. This could be it's own reality show to see gets executed first. The good part is breakfast and light dinners are served there nightly. The bad new is, no hot tub.

Life never stops providing adventures. However, I'm going to really enjoy daily maid service for a few weeks.

What I Learned in Grad School

The program may be over, but the lessons stay with you forever.

1. At 42, I discovered that accounting was based on credits and debits. Who knew?
2. Cliques are still rampant as hell. You find your academic soulmates within 2 days.
   
3. Professors LOVE to have you read their text books. Hell, at $99 a pop, it probably pays better than teaching the 4-week class.
4. Half.com can then sell that same book and recoup almost 45% the original value.
5. Finance is one of the most complicated aspects of business. But if you master it, you're golden.
6. I still have no short-term memory. I mean the moment I would open a book...wait, what number are we on?
7. Michael Porter is considered the God of MBA programs. He made my life a living hell.
   
8. Every class still has a prom queen and a dork.
9. The professors who teach the more obscure classes (cough, cough...ethics) are usually the most adamant about how valuable their subjects are to the business community. Clearly the scholastic Napoleon complex.
10. Executive-level programs, no matter how much more money they cost, are worth every penny to have your books handed to you and never step one foot into the bookstore.
11. My student ID gets me discounts at movie theaters. So by going to 35,000 movies I should make a profit from this education.
    
12. When going to Vietnam, buy more things, even if you think you don't need them. Spa treatments are also less than half the price than in the states.
13. Having laptops with Internet connection in classrooms is probably the single biggest mistake in the educational system.
    
14. Working in teams sounds like it will be less work...it isn't; it's usually worse.
15. Making yourself just one little bit smarter, is the best thing you can ever do.
    

Rights, Privileges and Responsibilities Thereunto Appertaining

The day I thought would never arrive, finally happened; Graduation. Two years ago, I began the long journey of grad school. Last night, it all came to a closure as I walked across the George Washington University stage.

While the celebration commemorated my achievements, I walked on behalf of four others, who without their support, I never could have gotten this degree. Through their actions and encouragement, they made it possible for me to go to school. Last night was about them just as much as it was about me.

To my son's moms: You have done so much to give Corey the best life a little boy could ask for. He's healthy, happy and well-adjusted. Clearly that doesn't come from someone in grad school. You bore the brunt of parenting these past two years. It was all too easy to say I had a child when you did so much of the work. I am truly honored to be part of the best parenting team ever.

To my Son: For two years, I've been deficient in my responsibilities as a father. You have never once complained and accepted whatever time we had together. We had such little time together and even then, I would grab a book as soon as you started playing. I short-changed you more times than I can count, but it means the world to know you still love me as much as you do. I promise to be there from now on.

To my Partner: No one listened to me complain more than you. When I felt like quitting, you talked me out of it. When I hated my classes, you encouraged me to get through it. When I degraded myself for not having a enough brains to be in this program, you pushed me back up. You kept me fed, sane and out of prison (for not killing my team year 1).

This degree, I share with you. No one can earn something by themselves and I cetainly learned that these last two years. I love you all and am so happy to call you my family.

First Class?

Dear Post Office,

Let me be blunt; I hate you. I've written before about how stupid you are. It amazes me you are able to stay in business, except that you really have no competition. I can only hope that the Internet makes you so obsolete that you go out of business.

Last year you screwed me with your Automatic Postage Machine. Being so excited not to deal with your personnel, I used if for every transaction possible. In February 2008, when I went to buy 100 stamps for work, it issued Christmas stamps. Quite obviously, I couldn't use them for business given that our all customers are not Christian. When I asked to exchange them, you told me you were unable to take back previously issued merchandise. And the supervisor agreed with you. Stupid people.

I sell books on Half.com and most of that goes out media mail. Each time, I tell you "It's media mail; just a book." And every time you ask "Is there anything dangerous, liquid or perishable?" as if I'm dumber than a ficus tree. One time I even said "Just a shovel" and you went about your business without batting an eye. Useless Robot.

Today you told me that I could no longer use my credit card to purchase anything because I hadn't signed it. It says "Please check ID" on the back and I hand you my driver's license each time. "Where am I supposed to sign it?" I asked, pointing out there was no room left in the signature block. You shrugged your shoulders. Clearly uttering words was too much work.

I'm tired of you punishing me for doing business with you. I pay you and you treat me as if I'm causing you an inconvenience. You want inconvenience...fine.

I'll pay the entire bill in nickles from now on. I'll ask you about every delivery option available just so you have to talk for 10 minutes. I wish I could fart into the package and make you smell it behind that bullet-proof glass.

Good luck with this mail thing. I'm paying most bills online. Magazine & Newspapers can be received other ways. FedEx and UPS are getting cheaper.

You get from people what you give. I hope people put you out of business faster than you can say 'Forever Stamp'.

Family Time

The little boy who sat next to me was probably 4. He wore a pair of striped shorts and Diego tee shirt. He was playing with his cars. He kept to himself though he talked a lot and tried to get his mommy's attention. Every once in a while he would ask questions.

Another little girl sat right behind me on her daddy's lap. She was pretty fussy and spent most of her time grabbing at her food. She cried a couple of times but hey, she was only 2 so who could blame her.

How nice to see parents out with their young children. Family time is always treasured and I love watching people spend their weekends as a family.

Except when I'm at the theater seeing Wolverine.

As much as I tried to concentrate on the (not-so-great) film, I was just taken back by this appalling lack of responsibility. For the love of God people, why on earth would you think you are good parents by taking your youngsters to Wolverine? What kind of example do you think you are setting for these kids?

There are days I cringe when Corey asks for Herbie Goes Bananas for the umpteenth million time. But the sound of him laughing just makes it worthwhile each time I sit there.

For this little boy in the theater, what reference of being 4-years-old does he have when he's watching a movie like this? I can only think of how distorted his world view is when it is all at a PG-13 level.

Almost Back

Does it feel like I've been gone forever? It totally does from this end. Not much longer folks, just don't give up on me.

School
My last class day is tomorrow. I'm stunned. May 3-8 is our final residency and graduation is May 15. It feel like it flew by at some moments and dragged at others, but who cares...it's done.

Old House
The current house was listed last Friday. We've never kept a house so clean in our lives. Everything gets buried into drawers as soon as we walk out the door.

Sunday was the first open house which produced a lot of foot traffic. We've had a major nibble and should hopefully be able to announce something within the next few days if all goes well.

New House
Still on schedule for mid-July. I've never loved Tyvek so much in my life. The windows went in this past week. There's a pile of bricks sitting in the front that should go on the front of the house shortly. It's coming together nicely.

Train Wreck
I will leave you with one funny gem. Larry found a marathon of this reality show called Any Dream Will Do on BBC. This is a casting call for a new production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. The show is similar to the Grease "You're the One that I Want" show that America did, except this version is so much campier and probably the gayest entertainment since the Birdcage.

The judges are dreadful and the host Graham Norton is annoying as shit. The Lord (yes they call him that) Andrew Lloyd Weber gives the final yes or no if the Joseph stays that week.

But what nearly made me wet myself was the 'dismissal' song that each fallen Joseph goes through as the remaining contestant strip him of his coat. Bloodly brilliant.

Domestic Viloence

Sometimes pictures can say a thousand words.

But doesn't it suck when the picture says one thing, but the true explanation isn't as exciting?


The cool story would be that Larry gets all liquored up and when he's out of control, I have to body slam him into the wall in order to calm him down. You can just see the new WWF show: Gay Man Smackdown.

Sadly, Larry just got progressive bifocals. He went to pick up the remote control and realized objects change distances mid-reach. He missed, fell over and the wall "caught" him.

Luckily, the contractor who is working on our basement is still here. He just made a few more dollars on us.

We need a more exciting life.