Monday, September 12, 2005

Minor Surgery

Guilty pleasures exist in many different forms; good coffees, traveling, nice cars. Mine is watching terrible movies just to see total hotties. Case in point: The Transporter 2.

My friend Sue has the same complex and she & I, along with our very reluctant spouses, went to go see Jason Statham in this ridiculously stupid movie. People warned us that the plot was brainless and the dialogue was inane. Did we care? Not one bit. The man is SEX!

With plenty of car chases and improbable action sequences, all of us left the movie mildly satiated. There was one nasty chick that used lots of ammunition & liked to lick… A LOT. That made Brian (Sue’s hubby) happy. And Jason had two shirtless scenes. That made Sue and me VERY happy.

While the entire movie was filled with blood, Brian had some blood issues of his own. There is not a man out there who doesn’t understand the difficulties of a runaway razor. Poor Brian had cut himself that morning and the injury wouldn’t stop bleeding. He graciously made it through the movie, but fearing a fainting episode, we decided to head to the local CVS to cauterize the wound.

While Brian dabbed himself repeatedly with a leftover napkin, the three of us scoured the aisles, making jokes at all the things we could do to his face to stop the bleeding. From Tampax to Glade room sprays, we delayed our nursing duties by suggesting improbable solution to our patient. After ten minutes, we settled on the trusty Styptic pencil.

Although it stings like hell, this little gem has saved more shirt collars than I can remember. Any time I cut myself; this stops the bleeding in seconds. If I lost an arm in a tractor accident (not that I have much access to farm vehicles), I could easily be back to work in an hour just by dabbing the pencil against the gushing artery.

We walked to the car and after Brian promised not to drip blood on our back seat, we prepped for surgery.

He opened the package and read the directions. He looked up from the packaging in horror. “It says I need to moisten the tip.”

The three of us burst into uncontrollable laughter.

Sue looked over and between fits of laughter said, “Babe, you have three people in the car that can do that professionally, but you may have to do this one on your own.”


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ah, Steve, you haven't seen Jason Statham as the epitome of sex until you see him in the original "Transporter" - personally, it doesn't get much better than the oil wrestling scene. Even my husband understands and the girls both sigh when I do!


6:04 PM  

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