Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Rubbing Me the Wrong Way

Welcome back and Happy New Year. I think we all took a well deserved break, but I for one am glad to be back in the routine.

This past week, I did something I had never done before; I got a massage. Seriously, I'm almost 40 and never had one. This was a gift from Larry (umm, for my birthday last January) and I finally got around to booking it (because it expired on Dec 31). So what did I think?

I didn't like it. This will probably induce some "are you crazy" commentaries, but that's okay. I don't think massages are for everyone. My masseuse, Tammi, was very sweet and handled this newbie well.

Her: "So you need to change and get under the covers."
Me: "Change into what?"
Her: "Go down to whatever you feel comfortable."
Me: "Like nude? People do this naked?"
Her: "Some do."
Me: "I'm not looking for one of those 'happy ending' massages."
Her: "Good, because you weren't getting one."

This represents much of the conversation for the first ten minutes until she told me I really didn't have to talk to her. I took the hint.

There were points in the massage that were interesting. She found muscles and pressure points I didn't know were there. Every now and then, I'd make a noise and she'd ask if it hurt. "It didn't hurt, but you are pushing on areas that don't exactly feel soothing," I'd say.

We did this for an hour. I stared at the lights in the ceiling, counted the ceiling tiles, tried to guess the ingredients in the lotion she used based soley on their smells.

Then she had me turn over and put my face into the "doughnut thing". I looked down at my hands dangling in front me and examined my fingers for 20 minutes. I thought of the things I had to do at work when I returned or the music I hadn't yet downloaded. Hmm, what are we making for dinner tonight?

Then I decided to examine why I wasn't really enjoying this. I came to this conclusion: I don't like to sit still. I am the body likes to remain in motion. If it's time to relax, let me work in the garden for six hours, let me blog or read blogs, let me build some shelves in the basement or paint. I hate not moving.

Finally it was over. I was sore and honestly, more tired than when I walked into the place. Then I was instructed to drink lots of water due to the toxin release. (Why do people do this, I thought?) I of course, didn't drink a ton of water and felt pretty shitty that day.

In a way I felt bad for Tammi. Perhaps she could tell that I wasn't really into the massage. If she did know it, I hope she realizes it was not her. I felt bad for Larry. He spent good money to have me experience something he loves. Hey, I'm glad I got to try it.

Life is about experimenting and doing things you've never done. This was something on my list that I got to check off. Not everything you do needs to work out perfectly.

I guess I really didn't have a 'happy ending.'


Blogger Georgia said...

I usually hate the music they have on so I bring my iPod and listen to dance music. Madonna and massage go pretty well together :)

12:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you can't relax and stay still then a massage is not for you, as you know.
Me, I can relax and enjoy a massage

2:55 PM  
Blogger Lola and Ava said...

Dear Larry -

My birthday is about 10 months away, but my children will be turning 16 (yes, driving age) on tax day. My point? I really, really like massages!

7:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What if you got drunk before your next massage? I bet then you could be still.

/ just thinking out loud here.

3:40 PM  
Blogger Phil said...

I've never had a real massage either. Once I sat down for a two-minute shoulder massage at the mall, but it was pathetic.

I have no idea if I would enjoy an hour-long intensive muscle massage. Not sure if I'll ever find out.

6:34 PM  
Blogger Daddy L said...

I'm with you Steve. I've had exactly one massage in my life (funny, my masseuse told me to stop talking too) and I hated it.

7:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And you call yourself a gay man? Give it another try, my friend. There are few things better in life than a good massage. Want something to do? Get a hard-core shiatsu where you can spend the hour writing in pain and yelling for help. Painful at first. But you'll sleep like a baby that night and the next day, you'll feel like a million books.

10:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was me, MetroDad, by the way.

10:28 PM  
Anonymous AdventeurDad said...

Massage is not for everyone but I really enjoy it every now and then. i do think it's good for the body to do it a few times a year. how about bringing your Ipod with some nice music/podcast teh next time?

Nice weekend


4:16 AM  
Anonymous the weirdgirl said...

My husband HATES getting his muscles massaged or worked at all... to the point where he'll live with the pain of knots in his back rather than have them massaged. But run nails lightly down his back and he's in heaven. I think if he could book that for an hour he would.

Though, I did sucker him into getting a "gentleman's facial" at a spa for the first time last November and he liked it! Ha ha! Welcome to my world!

2:22 AM  
Anonymous JGS said...

I just had my second massage and I found it incredibly painful. I asked the guy when it was over, "Do people actually like this?"

if it didn't hurt so much I could probably get into it, but something about paying for pain...Not quite my thing.

2:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Next time you get one of those gift certificates, you can send it my way. Massages are hard to come by and my husband doesn't believe their worth it so I never get one! ;)

9:11 PM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home