Thursday, April 05, 2007

It's All in the Bag

I'm a marketer; that's what I do for a living. I craft a message that I think will entice people to do something. I present it in a fashion that I think accentuates a need, fear or desire. And then I measure it to see its effectiveness.

I create test and control groups so that I can tell if my new idea sells more than my original.

I constantly read to see how to say something with less words or more effectively. I look past the ads to see how they are selling it rather than what they are selling. And I always steal from the best.

Four weeks ago, I renewed a magazine subscription. It was earlier than I needed to, but they were offering a free garden bag and garden tools. That it's above; isn't it great?

Yeah, when I saw the picture of it I thought it would be convenient to use in our yard. I love working outside, so it made me feel good to renew early.

Marketing can be dangerous. Your offer has to be right or you actually do more damage than good. Tell a person to log-in to your web site, it had better be easy. Hell, it had better be working. You really want to build a long-term relationship, not go for the single 'kill'.

What is that famous saying.... you don't get a second chance to make a first impression. The single most important guideline to great marketing.

Today I received my garden bag. As you know, I'm a person who believes in sharing great services and products. Backyard Living Magazine was a magazine I used to love. But today, the company abused my relationship. I guess you could say things were "put into perspective". Take a look at my great bag now with a sneaker next to it.

I decided that I would do the favor of recommending they discontinue the promotion... you know, as one marketer to another. After navigating through a four-minute phone tree and then having to verify every detail of my subscription, Andy listened as I explained my disappointed and recommendation.

"Well, some of our readers liked the bag," he said.

"Really," I inquired. "They actually spent four minutes on the phone to say thanks. Seriously, my dog eats out of large food bowl than this."

Andy got defensive. "Well, you need to remember that most of our readers are octogenarians." (Seriously, he actually used that word.)

"Andy, are you saying that it's my fault I'm 40 and that's why I cannot appreciate the clutch bag you just sent me?"

"No, but our average reader does like the bag."

Well Andy, let me help you there. As of next year, I won't be lowering your statistics any longer.

Backyard Living Magazine has a major competitor; Garden Gate Magazine. I also subscribe to them as well. It doesn't take a telephone operator to figure out which magazine I'll be reading next year.



Blogger Mamma said...

oh no!! you go!!!!

12:04 AM  
Blogger The Brian said...

That's a coin purse.

Doh. I have a subscription to that magazine as well. So their demo is 80 year olds and fabulous gay men.

8:21 AM  
Blogger Kelly O said...

Oh my word! *shakes fist at Backyard Living*

Heh, nice visuals, though.

9:07 AM  
Blogger Papa Bradstein said...

I love it when I call customer service to tell them that they've made a mistake and they tell me that I'm wrong.

I just realized, reading your post, that my reply should be, "Oh, I'm sorry. The mistake is mine. I should have never bought your product and recommended it to my friends. Thanks for showing me the error of my ways. It's been lovely chatting with you, but I have to go now because I'm going outside to film myself setting your product on fire, so I can post the video of your flaming pile of crap on YouTube . . . you have a nice day, too."

9:35 AM  
Anonymous Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

I thought it looked cool until I saw the scale too.

You were robbed.

10:46 PM  
Blogger Whit said...

So you can't put your weeds in there, you can still put your weed in it. You know the medicinal stuff the orangutans, er, octogenarians use.

3:49 PM  
Blogger Mitch McDad said...

Oh stop complaining...that's a fine lunch bag. With little side sleeves for your energy bars.

11:26 PM  
Anonymous Dan said...

Maybe it's for bonsai gardeners.

2:40 PM  
Blogger WILLIAM said...

It kind of looks like a child's bag and tools.

Whit's comment was funny.

7:10 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

It is a super adorable little purse, though. And rugged. The perfect man purse, perhaps?

1:37 PM  

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