The Line Between

There exist all these stones that are practically in our back yard. I find that when I walk through them, a feeling of reverence overcomes me. They signify honor and bravery and remembrance. They help me contemplate who I am and the direction I am going.

And every year at Arlington National Cemetery, a group of dedicated individuals come and lay wreaths on the graves of those who have served our country. They stop what they are doing to honor those who have gone before us; fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, sons and daughters.

At church the other week, we sang a song that encapsulated the feelings I get as I walk through the cemetery. They’re a good guideline for how to live as well.

A beginning and an ending, dates upon a stone
But the moment in the middle is how we will be known
Cause what defines us can be found within a line
Finding reason for our time

And the years go by, how they seem to fly
They'll all be over soon
When our life is done, did we live and love
The way we wanted to
Cause everyday that we leave behind
Goes on to tell the truth
Of how we live in the line between the two

Wishing you and your families a Merry Christmas and a healthy and safe New Years. Thanks for being a part of our lives.

Oh Captain, My Captain

There’s been lots of talk through the blogs about Greg leaving the Wiggles. The Wiggles are the staple of most households with kids ages 3-6. Parents talk about them all the time.

However, this was the conversation at our house this morning.

Larry: “We’re watching the Wiggles?”

Me: “Yeah, I’m too tired to generate intelligent conversation with Corey.”

Larry: “This is the Christmas special?”

Me: “Uh huh”

(pause)

Larry: “Is Anthony gay? He’s looks gay.”

Me: “Nope.”

Larry: “He should be. He’s cute.”

Me: “Then he’s yours. I’m all about Captain Feathersword. I think he’s utterly hot.”

Larry: “That’s probably because you have that uniform fetish.”

Me: “Yeah, could be.”

Corey: “What are you guys talking about?”

(pause)

Me: “Doing the Monkey.”

Corey: “Oh okay.”

Traditional Changes

How do you pass along traditions that no longer exist?

My 10 Favorite Christmas Songs

I love Christmas music, always have, always will. We grew up listening to all the Firestone records which would hit the record player about November 30th. Bing Crosby, Dean Martin, Anne Murray... those were the artists who created the sound of Christmas for me.

Then came A Very Special Christmas and that was when I learned that taking a classic and changing it around a bit also has a great sound. So what rotates through my iPod the most in the month of December? Come listen.

10. Rebecca St. James - O Come All Ye Faithful
Jesus meets gay-disco club. Rebecca St. James is just one of the many Christian artists that will be covered in these ten songs, but this song has one of the most infectious beats I've ever heard. She sounds like Alanis Morresette and rocks out to the Pet Shop Boys.


9. Cece Winans - Do You Hear What I Hear
The first half of this number delivers pretty straighforward, but then Ms. Winans adds this bad-ass jazz sound which provides a nice baseline of sass. She is then backed by a choir and she starts asking the "Do you hear?" in this almost reprimanding tone. It sounds weird, but trust me, it's rather cool.

8. Points of Grace - Hark the Herald Angels Sing
Larry always calls this the "Sister Act III" song; four white women jam out in complete Lauryn Hill style. This song hits full rhythym from the moment it starts. Nothing screams Whoopie Goldberg in a nun's outfit at Christmas than this.


7. Whiteheart - The Little Drummer Boy
When you do a search for Whiteheart on Amazon, the searches will lead you to heavy metal christian groups like Stryper. Whiteheart tried to capitalize on the huge Christian Metal scene (umm, yeah), however, they hit a real winner with one of my favorites. It begins with vocals that sounds like an androgynous Anne Murray (is that redundant?) and end with more a Steelheart sound. An amazing rendition.

6. Cocteau Twins - Frosty the Snowman
A classic alternative band from my post-college years, this group sounds like it can barely execute the song without falling into a stuper. Hallucingenic Holidays There has never really been a version of this song until this one. If you grew up in the 80's, this group would have rivaled the Dream Academy or the Cranberries.

5. MercyMe - Gloria
Another varied take on a classic with a fairly monotone verse that leads until in a rocking chorus. There's not a lot of give to lead singer Bart Millard's sound, but the spins throughout the song make this one a toe-tapper. Most of this CD has new versions of the classics. This group has a great knack for reinventing the Christmas sound.

4. SheDaisy - Deck the Halls
If you're not familiar with this group, they came on the scene right after the Dixie Chicks. Three Mormom sisters who now have four CD's in addition to their holiday songs. This has the slightest feel of country, but the funky mismatch of the lyrics make this a really fun number.

3. The Cast of Miss Saigon - I Saw Three Ships
We went to New York about five years ago to see the Lion King and I got hooked into the Broadway Cares: Carols for a Cure series. Most of the songs are the standard fare, but every once in a while, a gem like this emerges. The song beging with a whisper; the cast starts off with a classic choir sound. About three sentences into the number, you realize they've taken about 10 Christmas classics and merged them into one song, each playing off the other. Supportedby a single guitar, the voices are allowed to carry the weight of the lyrics.

2. Angie Aparo - Silent Night
There is nothing more haunting than the voice of Angie Aparo. You know him only as the writer of Faith Hill's "Cry", but his own delivery of that and the rest of his songs earns him a spot as one of my favorite performers. His range gives him a sound of Ed Kowalczyk mixed with the slighest touch of Clay Aiken. The song retains the slow rhythm allowing him to alter his range mid-lyric and push the song more than any other version I've heard.

1. Selah - Light of the Stable
Another Christian group delivers a stirring new song for the holidays. Starting with a simple Indigo-Girls-like guitar strings and a four-part harmony, this song had me dancing the first time I heard it. Though it's faster than most Christmas songs, it still can shuffle through your Ipod without messing the balancing of sounds of the other holiday songs.

Stat-istics

Once again, the lovely stat counter reports on what you are searching for the most... and then getting connected to my blog.

watching daddy pee

because watching him fart isn't cool enough.

urinate standing up in stall

see, that's why they actually have urinals.

lick bottom of shoes

You do and you're going to find Mr. Johnson and Mr. Murphy. They're not going to like the tongue action.

christmas cards for dad and partner

Crap, I wrote you all these long-ass personalized holdiay letters. You find me cards like this.

demographics for almond joy

and yet you don't care about Mounds?

parakeet gender identification

just lift up the feathers. It should be simple enough.

gay enema expulsion
for the homosexual who has everything.

Tune in again next week as I try to link people here who are looking for Lindsay Lohan naked. (Not really, but that my friends, is how you totally boost up your ratings for the holday season.)

Hungry Like the Wolferman’s

They say it’s better to give than to receive. Sometimes that really is the truth.

Larry became a director at his office about seven years ago. With that came some major responsibilities, a bigger office and a company car.(OK, just kidding, but all his co-workers who read this probably shit their pants for a second.)

It also came with another ‘benefit’ that we didn’t discover until Christmas time. The second week of December, this good-sized box showed up on our porch filled with goodies. It arrived from Wolferman’s gourmet foods and inside the box was 24 English muffins, and assortment of jams, pound cakes, crumpets, and other pastries.

It was a more than generous gift and one that in some ways was a bit overwhelming. Between traveling and the then-famous Atkins diet, we ended up giving a good portion of it away. We thanked our benefactor and just figured we would wait to see what came the next year.

And December 10th it arrived: the same muffin package. A few were again eaten before having to give most away. We joked that it would be funny if it arrived again the following year since we could regift most of the package to my folks since they were staying with us for the holidays.

And if our wishes weren’t granted the following year. In fact, the wishes were granted for seven years straight. We received the exact same gift for all seven years.

First, let me say that it is a wonderful gesture to send any gift for the holidays. I’m not being greedy or bitchy. Well, maybe a little bitchy, but it wouldn’t be a funny blog entry if I wasn’t a snippy.

So last year, our gift giver left the company a few months before Christmas. We mourned his departure, but privately celebrated that the muffins were finally gone. But like clockwork, the muffins arrived. We wrote it off as his final generosity for all the efforts his last year.

Today, December 11th, 18 months after this person stopped working at Larry’s company, I found a Wolferman’s box on our doorstep. Inside were the same muffins, jams, pound cakes, crumpets, and pastries.

So for all of you feeling slighted by not receiving the long Christmas letter this year… would you like a scone?

Full of Hot Air

Crap. The dryer broke yesterday. Well, it didn't break completely. It will spin the wet clothes and blow cold air on them. As we hit 36 degrees this morning, that will only get us so far.

So yesterday in the spirit of friendship, we begged the neighbors to let us dry our sheets at their house. Then we began small wash loads and have them drying on the elliptical machine. It's a good thing we weren't planning on using exercise equipment this week month year.

I'll share something with you here that may surprise you; I'm not a man who likes appliances to break. Truthfully, I don't feel there are many of you who celebrate this, but I just can't stand the idea of having to shop and then waiting a week for things to be installed. Plus, we always have to negoiate to see who will stay home to receive the new appliance.

I've been a person who touts the benefits of Craiglist to everyone. I sell everything on CL. So I decided, why not try to buy something there. Heck, I'm a reputable dealer, let's just assume the best of everyone.

You'll be happy to know there are two gas dryers in a ten-mile radius of our house that are each $50. Both are are 6 years old and still working fine. (The people just moved in and brought their own laundry machines.) I'm in negotiations with one person who lives a mile away.

Here's my question for you, knowing some of you are much better handy men and women than I. Is a mere mortal like myself able to hook up a gas dryer or do I need a professional? (My dad could do it but he lives 600 miles away.) Have any of you ever done this yourself? I'm not completely helpless; I installed a toilet in the basement, but Larry's got me all panicked with the gas line connection.