Sunday, February 26, 2006

We Don't Need No Stinking Cheerios!

Anyone with a child shares in the horror of how gross public toilets are. I’m not the fussiest person about cleanliness, but there is no public bathroom that I’ve felt is great for kids. Nordstom’s is close, but no matter how good the restroom may be, hearing those dreadful words “Daddy, I have to potties” (usually followed by the loud “NOW”) gets a father look past how clean a bathroom is.

Corey likes to pee sitting down. Given the fact he waits until the bladder is about to explode, that gives me 35 seconds to find the bathroom, hit the stall, wipe down anything that looks nasty, try to put some sort of paper barrier down, and get down the trousers and some pair of Elmo underwear.

Non-parents, you have no idea how hard those things are to pull down in a hurry. Think about putting a condom on a watermelon and you have an idea of how tight they get in an emergency crisis.

A few months ago, Corey learned about privacy and now wants doors shut. Do you know how hard it is to cram two of you into a stall, maneuver the working of a dirty toilet and undo snaps on a four year olds pants? Plus, no matter how fast you are, the kid always has two free hands while you are pulling up the pants, and they always will touch the bowl or the seat or the tank.

And kids love to be the flusher. I’ve lived with the fact that he wants to touch everything. My challenge now is that I have him hold his hand up in the air until we hit the sink. That backfired one time when it conflicted with the “cover your mouth with you sneeze” rule. You don’t even want to know what he did that time.

Since Corey lives primarily with his moms, it’s been a struggle to get him to pee standing up. When he comes to our house, he is called in to watch us pee almost as much as he watches 101 Dalmatians. The other day, I almost yelled at Larry for peeing by himself until I realized Corey wasn’t at our house.

So today, as I took Corey to go pee, I repeated the standard line once again, “Let’s go pottie standing up.” He looked up and said, “Okay.

And my 3½ year grabbed his thing and aimed. (Okay, not really aimed, but it was close.) Every bit went into the bowl.

I beamed down and said, “Corey that’s great. Now shake.

He looked up, smiled and then jiggled his whole body up & down.

Lesson #2 comes next week, I guess.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

At least Corey likes privacy. I was once in the stall with my niece who decided she was done and that she needed to wash her hands NOW. A line of old ladies at the sink got more than they bargained for.

4:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hee-hee. As a female my vote is to let him pee sitting down. It avoids the inevitable splash and spray around the bowl. Or teach him to wipe the bowl after a stand-up episode.

2:17 PM  
Anonymous M&Co. said...

One of my proudest, and happiest, moments as a Mom was when my GirlChild, at about 6, mastered the flush the toilet with your foot maneuver!

10:26 PM  

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